A day that truly changed my life…

May 15, 2009.

What a day it was!  With months in the making, continuous planning and lots of cha-ching going out the window… the day went nothing like it was supposed to.  But I rejoice because I am Mrs. Cudzilo and have already been taught so many things from marriage… and its only been 2 months!

So… for those of you who have not seen many pictures… I give you… my gallery of my most favorite.

So…. So many pictures!  I wish I could put all of them up!  But I cannot because it has taken too much time!  Marriage is great!  It is my vision for this blog (and for my life) to remain transparent… so I will admit that it is harder than I had imagined… but it is a good hard.  Those of you who are married will understand that.  Although there are hard moments, there is so much joy present!

 

Why I am a christian, what that means to me, and why Jesus is the only hope.

I thought today would be a fabulous day to share my testimony, my journey of santification, and why I firmly believe without a doubt that Jesus Christ is the only path to God.

I became a christian when I was 9.  I professed my belief in Jesus Christ at Vacation Bible School after my friend Lisa tole me that she was going to.  I guess Lisa gave me the courage to walk in front of everyone and say that I was a follower of Jesus Christ.

I believe without any doubt that I knew Jesus then, and before I walked in front of everyone, but my mind and maturity did not understand why I needed a Savior then.  I was 9, but I really loved Jesus, and I knew that I was supposed to let him lead my life.

My grandfather baptized me, which was so special, and as I spiritually matured we developed a special bond over talking and studying about Jesus.  We both were drawn to the soveriegnty and power of God, his grace and mercy, but also his justice.  Granddad and I would love to sit around and talk about Revelation because so much of God’s personality is found in that book.

As I grew older I became involved with the youth group at the church my family went to, and I really valued the friendships that were created there.  There was no shame in talking about Jesus, although I look back now seeing that we talked about him too little.  In small talk we just did not go deep with each other.

I was told as a senior in high school that most kids who venture off to college trade their faith in Jesus for partying or intellectual banter but I always believed that I would not be one of those people.  I just loved Jesus too much to trade him in for something as worldly as intellect and parties.

Well… I have found that if you say there is no way that you will ever __________ (fill in the blank)… then you have too much pride in yourself to carry it out.  I thought I could control myself to the upmost extreme.  I did not see God’s strength as something that I needed, because in my mind, I was not weak.  So, from the foreshadowing of this paragraph, you will be able to infer that I became one of those people.

I never stopped loving Jesus, I just stopped depending on him.  I would go to parties and tell everyone that I just wanted water… which only lasts so long.  The world slowly crept in, and there I was… weak and desiring what everyone else had… lots of friends… and lots of booze.

Booze is a funny thing and its effects on me were more than outrageous. I remember talking about Jesus a lot when I had too much to drink, and I have no explanation why.  Maybe I just thought about him a lot, maybe it was the Holy Spirit, or maybe I felt guilty for my actions and needed a way to justify myself.  Any way it was… I was still living in sin.  SO much sin that I could not even see it.

Then after 8 months of habital sin, my Pops (grandfather) had a stroke… and then another… and it was apparent that he was going downhill fast.   I was having a really hard time.  I was away at school and he was at home.  The day before Thanksgiving I was getting in my car to drive home when I got the phone call from my mom that Pops was in the hospital again.  He had Parkinsons Disease, and with that came a struggle for his mind, because it was slowly detiorating.  What seemed to be just a mix up with his medication turned into his fight with dementia, which is a terrible disease.  Two weeks later, the night before my exams at MTSU, Pops died.  I was stuck… I was at MTSU with friends who did not understand, and 4 exams to take the following day.

It was then that God extended his grace to me.  In the midst of my sin, and my blatant ignoring of him, that he said, “Enough.”  My grief was overwhelming, for my grandfather and for my actions.  That car ride home was probably one of the worst times of my life.

I came back to school, and I had consequences for all the sin I had lived in.  My friends did not see things the way I did, and while living with 3 other women I became miserable.  I need encouragement, uplifting, someone who wanted to talk about Jesus and really live the life that he has called his people to live.  I was desperate.

Ever since this time I have studied, and grown, matured, been sanctified, sinned somemore but with strong conviction that what I was/am doing is wrong.  I have learned to appreciate so much more what the cross means, who Jesus is, and why I believe that he is the only hope for our fallen world.

Jesus.  Sweet, stern, obedient, submissive Savior.  The son of God, who submitted to God, which is also himself, and took of the wrath of God so that I would not have to.  Wow.  That my unrighteous self could be considered righteous is something that my mind cannot fully wrap around.

My stance is: Jesus is the way (To God), the truth (about God), and the life (in this dead world).  No one can reach the Father except through Jesus.

Why believe this? Why not say like many people do, that this is just a path? That other religions can lead to the same God, the same heaven?  Because it is one of the biggest deceptions this world has ever known. If you are a christian, but believe this, then why did Jesus die?? If you can reach God through your own means, then why did Jesus even live at all?

What we have to understand, and what is so hard to understand because of our flesh, is that we do not deserve to be known by God.  We are so sinful, and so evil, that without Jesus, God would be repulsed.  He cannot know sin or evil, because he is holy, set apart, the ultimate good.  We are not saved by our “moral” actions… being reasonable and a morally good person cannot get you anywhere.

My favorite illustration of this comes from my lovely Uncle, Greg Pinkner.  If a man rapes a young girl and goes before a judge… should he not be punished? But what if he said that since he did such a despictable thing that he gave up all his possessions to help the poor?  Would he then be justifed?  Think about that… because its the same with us (humans… homo sapiens).  We commit terrible sins, each day, many times without even realizing it… but can we then make it up by doing good?  Absolutely not.

To wrap this novel of a blog up… I just want to share that I have to remind myself daily that its not by my strength, deeds, or judgement that I am saved.  I was chosen by God to be his adopted daughter, and he keeps ahold of me, even in the midst of my blindness.  My prayer daily is that he will grant me the grace and the strength to talk about Jesus, and confess Jesus with my mouth so that others may know of his mercy.

 

OK! The blog lame”ness” is Over… dont know that I can say that much for myself.

Oh man… I have thought about blogging so many times the past few weeks about issues that my mind races about, and there was no time!  Being married is time consuming I tell ya!  Or maybe its just being a newlywed.  Who knows… you old married folk probably have the routine down pretty good… but sticking a clean freak in my condo, that was never clean, has taken some getting used to!  Luckily he shows me a lot of grace Thats a big reason I love him.

Well… so life, now through the eyes of Brittany Cudzilo.  The honeymoon was great… we enjoyed relaxing.  It was a week full of naps and early bedtimes… my favorite kind of past-time… SLEEP!  Now I am in the wonderful world of graduate school, which is kicking me in the rear.  Summer School is a little intense… especially when you are no longer considered an undergraduate… boy is grad school something different.

Spiritually I have had a lot on my mind.  I feel like in the past few months I have become “spiritually passive”.  I have not made it a point to call sin like I see it, I have purposefully overlooked situations, and I have begun to serve less and less in the church.  I have been thinking a lot… and when I mention these things I get responses like, you are a newlywed, take some time off, or life is busy everyone understands… but those are lousey excuses.  Come on people!  Well… honestly, COME ON BRITTANY!  If Christ is the most important thing to me, my top priority like I say he is… should the overflow of that, not be service to his body of believers, my brothers and sisters… or future brothers and sisters (in some people’s circumstance, Hallelujah)?

Sometimes it is so frustrating, because it feels like 20 percent of the people in the church are doing 90 percent of the work… because when you are in that 20 percent, people know they can count on you, they expect you to help… and you get worn thin because there are only a set few who are willing.  But now I am in that 80 percent who are not doing a dang thing.  YOU ALL SHOULD BE FRUSTRATED AT ME!  I get frustrated at you… I’ll admit it. I do.

This is not an excuse, because there is no excuse… its just my thoughts.  Life is busy… and I do not want it to be… Life is crazy, and sometimes I am just seeking some calmness… but the busyness and the craziness should never take the place of fulfilling your place in the body of Christ.  I am just trying to figure out what that looks like.  Ben and I both have a community group and go the the church service every Sunday, which takes up “Church” time.  That leaves no room to serve in the church on Sunday mornings.  We would only go to community group half the time, but then that would result in the lack of relationships that we need in our married life.  I cannot just not go to school all week long… and I cannot neglect my husband.  Now I am just rambling.

So… my most recent prayer and deep desire is to study Paul.  Paul is not nearly as important as Jesus, but Paul is a sinner just like myself.  I am sure Paul could have figured out the excuses he could use to justify to himself the lack of the need for his service.  I understand that just because Paul lived 1900 years ago does not mean that life back then was oversimplified… he could have found numerous excuses.  But that fact is… he didn’t.  He fought that fleshy selfish desire of excuses.  He served… he sacrificed his life, because Jesus sacrificed his.

Where does that leave me?  Not really far yet.  I am just to the point where I can claim these truths, and acknowledge that serving in the church is more important than most of the things that I do.  I enjoying serving… its just hard for me to  desire to serve when I am tired.  I guess that goes for everyone right? Someone is keeping the church up and running…

Thank you to those who are in the 20% that serve within the church body, wherever you are, and whichever church you attend.  Although I may not know you, I am thankful for you… because you are allowing yourself to be used in the kingdom of God… not to the glory of yourself (hopefully!) but to the glory of the one who shows us grace, our Savior Jesus!

 

Been gone so long… what a loser.

Oh man… have things changed since I wrote last! Unfortunately I am in class right now and cannot write all that much… but this post is a promise that I will divulge most of the information of my new and exciting life

I have so many different thoughts over the past weeks about my spiritual life… so many things I have learned that I cannot wait to post about!

But the newest news is that I am married I love it! Its kind of hard, but there is so much joy involved!!

Until later… love, peace, and chicken grease (The Pest).

 

Boldly Christian

I would love to be what the title of this post is.  A bold Christian.  A radical believer.  There are some times where this just comes roaring out of me, but most of the time I am so timid and so unsure of what to say.  There are so many things to say.  So many things to say to people in this world who live their lives day to day without Jesus.

I pray daily that Ben and I have a christian marriage that is bold.  Not only bold, but courageous, not afraid to speak the gospel even when it is shunned to do so.  After all, isnt that what life is about?  Speaking truth, in love, to believers and non-believers? That believers may be sanctified and know Jesus more fully, and that non believers would turn and repent?  So rarely do I live that way.  Too many days I have wasted living for the glory of myself.

The sermon given at fellowship church (Find it at fefc.com) today, by Senior Pastor Rick Dunn, was powerful… a powerful demonstration of the gospel through the subject of Sex.   I have been reading a lot about this topic lately, since I get married in 12 days, and how sex is truly a spiritual experience.  An experience created by God for his glory and for our pleasure…

I am sure somebody is thinking… I cannot believe she is talking about sex on her blog!  This is craziness!  But its not crazy at all.  Things need to be said.  There are too many distortions in this world that make sex out to be just for pleasure, just for fun, just about the individual… BUT IT ISN’T.  It is about pleasure, but its about so much more than that. If it is distorted, engaged in for the wrong reasons, Paul says

- Romans 1:24-27  : Therefore God gave them over to the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.  They exchanged the truth for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator- who is forever praised. Amen.  Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts.  Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.  In the same way, men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another.  Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received within themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

This is not anything new.  Sex was being twisted, perverted, and manipulated since the time of Paul.  And way before then if you know anything about Greek history.  There are some crazy stories.

Sex is like everything else.  It is made by God for the glory of God.  But it is strictly meant to be within a marriage.  A marriage that is clearly defined as between a man and a woman.  What would marriage look like otherwise? There are clearly defined roles of a wife and a husband that define a biblical marriage. And marriage was created by the Creator, not by men… you cannot redefine marriage.  It has already been strictly defined, regardless of what man has to say.

- 1 Corinthians 7:2 , “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.”

– Ephesians 5:23-24, “For the husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

So why am I getting into all of this… if this is supposed to be about being a bold christian?  Because I believe the time is coming that Christians are going to have to choose.  You cannot ride the fence anymore, and God does not accept the crutch of political agenda.  In EVERY aspect of our lives we are called to follow our Lord… isnt that what a Lord is? The ultimate source of authority?  The only receiver of praise and adoration?  The ultimate source of wisdom and decree?

If we truly believe that God is our Lord, that Jesus is our Savior, and that the Holy Spirit is our helper and guide… why are we, as Christians, turning our back on what he says?  Why are we not whole-heartedly following him, and him only? (I am speaking to myself here… ) Why are we allowing ourselves to be deceived, manipulated, and distracted by politics or by the faulty wisdom of man?  Where has the wisdom of man EVER gotten us?  (Learn your history, and your answer would be nowhere.)  Why do many Christians defile their  marriage beds, vote for the allowance and justification of killing our unborn children, support open homosexual relationships, look at pornography, etc?

In all this… regardless of what you choose to support… there is truth.  We will be held accountable for our actions, for our words, for what we openly support, for the way we treat others.  And with everything we should speak the truth in love, be firm, be bold, but never forget that the reason we are saved is through grace.  I do not support abortion, I do not support homosexual relationships, but I can never say that I do not sin, that I do not struggle with other types of sin.  But I can always say that Jesus is the truth, and the only reason that I have hope, the only reason I am saved from the hell I deserve, is in him… and him alone.

And because of what Jesus did for me, taking on my sin on that cross,  I will always speak his truth.  I will always stand on his solid word.  I am not on the fence, and I will never go quietly.  His truth is too true, and too fulfilling to stop talking about him.  I am sure I will stumble, I am sure I will do it sometimes with fear and trembling, and I am sure that I will not always get it right.  But he is my redeemer.  He is my truth, this worlds truth… and he should be acknowledged as such.

Woah.  Long Blog.  Gotta study now.  Peace and Love to you.

Oh and… to you believers who read these words… I have a MAJOR prayer request.  My wedding is in 12 short days.  And there are many who will be there who do not know the love and grace of Jesus… and that is what I want the day to be about… Jesus.  So please pray that the attitudes, words, and actions all reflect who Ben and I are in Christ.  And that lives will be changed.  Because that is all that matters… wedding days go quickly, wedding photos faded, our lives are just a whisper in the wind, but the truth of God lives forever. AMEN!